None of us have all the answers...

Being at seminary is a constant stream of insight and learning about our wonderful God and His ways, man's desperate predicament and its effects, and the glorious solution found in Christ alone, our hope and salvation.

With more learning always comes the temptation of pride and trust in my own understanding. Over the last few weeks, God seems to be frequently reminding me in a myriad of ways that, although my learning is important and useful in addressing my own needs and the needs of others, the answers will always reside in Him alone, not in my expanding, but so feeble and limited, knowledge of Him. God has given us enough in Scripture for life and godliness, but not for easily answering most of life's most difficult and confusing questions. It is such a challenge not to think you have the answers when God is so graciously teaching you so much about Himself and His ways.

I have to remain in faithful and humble submission to God and deny the impulse to lean on my own understanding in order to life a godly life. I have to administer his Word to the lives of others with patience and love, doing all I can to experience their burdens with them instead of playing the physician in the place of the work of God's Spirit.

As I think about my future as a pastor, I am more and more aware that the key to my usefulness will lie in my humility and brokenness before God as much as my confidence in and faithfulness to the gospel and God's revelation. I pray that God gives my a heart that will weep with those who weep as I attempt to teach and lead, and the humility to respond to His directing instead of my own inclinations.

One year anniversary

So I just celebrated my one year wedding anniversary last weekend. The year sure went by quickly, as most of them seem to due nowadays. Marriage has been mostly what I expected - good, uncomfortable, beautiful, difficult, satisfying, demanding, never easy, but always an instrument of God's grace. I wasn't expecting it to be as hard of an adjustment for Micah as it has been, but I think we are learning to handle difficult things better, and trust each other more.

Probably the hardest part about marriage is not being able to act just according to what I think is wise and best. I also have to carefully seek the consent, support, and understanding of Micah, and when that is not given, I have to move forward very slowly and soul-searchingly, looking for errors in my judgment. I always thought I was careful in my decision making, but that actually was only true when I personally had doubts about the direction to take. When I have felt confident I know what it best, I usually make decisions quickly and without regrets. I am learning now though that even in my confident moments, I need to be checked as well and God has supplied a wife to help in doing so.

I have several areas of needed growth as a young husband and father. I need to be more patient and attentive, more affectionate, more romantic, and more expressive of love and appreciation for Micah and Ethan. I find I am frequently tempted to revert to "loner" time to avoid uncomfortable moments of time with my family where I don't know what to do with myself. I am praying God with help me be more sacrificial with my time and personal comfort when I need to be serving my family.

They say the first year of marriage is, for many, the hardest. If so, Micah and I are very blessed (at least from my perspective). I think we both feel that God is growing us through our relationship with each other and that He has lavished His love on us through the gift of each other and through Ethan. It's strange to be starting a marriage at the same time as I am preparing for ministry. I definitely feel the weight of Paul's words in I Corinthians 7 of how marriage complicates life and ministry because of anxiousness over worldly concerns. But I also know that I will be more Christlike and a better pastor to those in healthy and troubled marriages because of how God is shaping and teaching me through my relationship my Micah.